


I Can't Understand

by YanaEffect



Category: Naruto
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Reincarnation, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YanaEffect/pseuds/YanaEffect
Summary: "You said our love transcends this life, now I know it's true."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tomato-x-ramen](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tomato-x-ramen).



_You said our love transcends this life_

_Now I know it’s true_

_So I cut my hands and I close my eyes_

_So I can feel it too_

_I can’t understand what’s going on_

_I can’t understand what’s going on_

I Can’t Understand by Air Traffic

* * *

_Thousands of needles_.

He felt like his body was lying on a ground paved with thousands of needles, and the nasty headache that made his ears feel clogged was not even that important compared to his aching body. He felt sick to his core. Waves of pain were spreading in waves from his right arm to his body.

After bearing it and trying to understand what’s going on for about a minute, Naruto finally opened his eyes in slow motion, only to close them right away. It was too bright. The whole place was bright, white and it made his tired eyes sting.

“Screw this,” he whispered, then moved his right arm and cracked an eye open to see what caused the pain. It was perfectly fine, the movement hadn’t even made the pang worse. What was causing it to hurt then?

“You’re awake.” Someone casually called to him. He immediately recognized the owner.

“Sasuke!” His both eyes shot open. He ignored the blazing sensation that started to form in his eyes, and although it tore a loud groan from his throat, he turned around toward the direction of the voice. Sasuke was sitting on a plain white, clean bench. His clothes were all in white too, matching the color of his pale skin and creating a beautiful contrast with his jet black hair. “Where the hell are we? What’s going on?!”

Sasuke didn’t look at him. His gaze was fixed straight ahead. Naruto made a confused sound and angled his head to see what Sasuke was staring at.

An old  _thing_  – white, just like everything else in here – was standing there. Naruto kept roaming his eyes on the long  _thing_ , confused. It had a chimney and white smoke was coming out, but Naruto could smell nothing. “Where are we?” His voice was gruff.

“Grand Central Station,” Sasuke answered calmly, unfolded his arms, and got up, making his way to Naruto. “Get up, dobe.”

Naruto removed his hands from the ground. The floor was squeaky clean. “Grand Central… what?”

“It’s a train station,” Sasuke explained, then held out a hand for Naruto to take. Clearly in shock, Naruto stared at the pale hand for almost 30 seconds before taking it and getting on his feet with Sasuke’s help. Sasuke’s hand was warm and the touch oddly comforted Naruto, which was very much needed since he had absolutely no idea where the hell they were. He felt like he was forgetting something important… _very_ important.

But Sasuke was here. It would be okay.

“What’s a train?” He said and grinned. The pain was getting worse, and in spite of his best efforts, Sasuke realized something was up. The stoic expression on his handsome face changed to one of worry.

He knitted his dark brows. “Are you hurting?”

“Yeah. Kinda. S’fine, though,” he smiled at his friend. “Why are we here?”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes skeptically, then wrapped an arm around Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto flinched in response. He wasn’t expecting Sasuke to help him walk to the bench and sit down, but the raven did.

“Sasuke?” His voice cracked slightly. “What’s goin’ on?”

“We were fighting, remember?” His voice was low and rough. “At Valley of the End.”

Naruto’s eyes suddenly widened impossibly. He tried to dash backward, but Sasuke took hold of his left wrist and kept him from moving further. Naruto, feeling ill from all the pain and tiredness, gazed into Sasuke’s eyes to find any signs of hostility, anger or killing intent, but there was none. He licked his dry lips to moist them. This place, he felt like it could only mean one thing. “Are we… dead?”

Sasuke bit on his bottom lip gently, his eyes searching Naruto’s face for something. “A train takes you to your destination. It’s a vehicle.”

“Huh?”

“Answer to your question. You asked what a train is,” he mumbled and leaned forward, making his dark bangs fall on his face, and his hands joined together.

“But how did we end up here? And how do you know all these?” Naruto asked and started to rub his arm with a hand. If there were a wound, or anything visible, he could’ve done something about it. Now all he could do was to wince and hope for the pain to go away soon.

Sasuke sighed in despair. He whispered, “You really don’t understand, do you?”

“Sasuke,” he grabbed the other boy’s collar with impatience and shook him. “ _Tell me_.”

There was a moment of silence before the raven spoke. “I died.”

His arm, his eyes, his body… None of the pain,  _nothing_  compared to the growing ache in his heart. His vision blurred as tears started to fall down his cheeks, then dropping on his white pants and creating wet, gray spots. His right hand clenched the chest area of his shirt.

“TEME!” He sobbed. “I was gonna bring you back – we were gonna live together! I promised Sakura I would bring you back - no matter what! You just had to go ahead and die!  _You fucking_   _bastard_!”

Sasuke pivoted on the bench to face Naruto. His face held traces of agony. “I’m…” He hesitantly reached for the hand on Naruto’s chest and pressed his own against it. “ _I’m sorry_.”

“You’re sorry?” Naruto laughed hysterically as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. “You’re sorry?” On a whim, he bolted toward the train ahead of them but didn’t get too close to it. Sasuke let him. He could feel piercing eyes on his back.  _This wasn’t real. He was dreaming_. “My Sasuke would never say he’s sorry. I don’t know who you are.”

“Naruto,” his tone was soft, and although his intention was to probably soothe Naruto, it only fueled the fire of sadness and sorrow. “Let me—“

“SHUT UP!” Naruto turned around. “Shut the fuck up!”

He sucked his bottom lip in. This wasn’t Sasuke.  _This wasn’t real. He was dreaming_. Sasuke wasn’t dead.

But somehow, he was still crying. He slowly walked to the white column on his left as his knees shook, and his right fist met the marble. His forehead connected with the cold surface. He repeated once more to himself _, this isn’t real, I’m dreaming._

_Then why my knees are weak?_

Just as he was about to collapse on the floor, two strong arms held him from behind, supporting his body and warming him. The scent radiating from the muscular, toned chest only belonged to…

“Sasuke,” he closed his eyes and wept. “Please don’t die.”

Sasuke tightened his hold and buried his face in Naruto’s blond locks. “I’m already dead, usuratonkachi.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Naruto turned in his arms and opened his eyes. Sasuke was looking at him with such care and affection. A pang of anger rose within him, and without thinking, he started punching Sasuke’s chest with all the force he could muster. “Why? You think I can’t cope with your death? You fuckin’ bastard _. I hate you_!”

Sasuke didn’t say a word. He let Naruto punch him, hit him; then as his mood changed again, he let Naruto hold him impossibly close and cry to his chest.

“I can see it all now,” he murmured and started stroking Naruto’s hair.

Naruto sniffled and pulled back a little to see Sasuke’s face. “See what?”

“Everything. Right from the start, to the finish line,” his eyes drew down to Naruto’s lips. “Not only this life. Each and every one of our lives.”

“W-what?” Naruto blinked and rubbed the tears from his eyes. “What other lives?”

“ _Soulmates_. They don’t die. They reincarnate over and over again.”

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath. “You mean…?”

“Yes,” Sasuke answered quickly. “We are soulmates.”

Naruto let go of Sasuke, his hands were hanging limply by his sides now. “Heh. It’s funny hearing this sort of thing from you,” he rubbed his arm again. The pain was becoming dull. “You never struck me as a person who would believe in soulmates.”

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto watched him gingerly brush a dark strand away. “No. You’re right about that… but now that I see everything,” he looked around. “It’s impossible not to. Do you know why we’re in Grand Central Station, Naruto?”

He leaned back against the column. “Why?”

“It’s the biggest terminal on Earth. We didn’t have trains in this life, but we did in most.” The corners of his lips twitched. “Being the biggest one means hundreds of people reunite here every day.  But it also means hundreds of people split.”

“So, this is like our meeting place? After each life?”

Sasuke nodded. “And where we separate.”

Naruto mindlessly raised a hand and cupped Sasuke’s cheek.

“Are we always like this? Fighting and pretending to hate each other’s guts?”

“Not always, but sometimes,” Sasuke connected their foreheads together. “Sometimes we’re just friends. Sometimes enemies. Sometimes we even… get married. Other times, we never meet at all.”

“Last one sounds painful… I can’t imagine a life without you,” Naruto closed his eyes at the sensation when he felt Sasuke’s warm breath against his lips, and he didn’t have to pull Sasuke closer because Sasuke closed his lips on Naruto’s with his own will.

This was much more different than the two kisses they’d shared before… This kiss was soft. They focused on feeling each other only, and although Naruto felt something in his chest still clawing at his heart, he grabbed Sasuke’s shoulder with his empty hand and drew him even closer. A wet muscle touched Naruto’s upper lip, and with a soft moan, Naruto opened his mouth for Sasuke to sneak his tongue in and explore every inch as he desperately grabbed the jet black spikes.

“God,” Naruto panted when Sasuke parted their lips in order to breathe. “We should’ve done this much sooner.”

Sasuke planted a last, chaste kiss on Naruto’s lips. “I was trying to kill you an hour ago.”

He didn’t have to be a genius to sense the remorseful tone.

“It wasn’t an easy life, this one,” he smiled vaguely. “Maybe we can get along much better in the next.”

“Hn,” Sasuke agreed. They stayed in each other’s arms and sought comfort for a short while before Naruto asked the question lingering in his mind.

“What happens now? How do we get to the next life?”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Sasuke mumbled into the sensitive, tanned skin of Naruto’s neck.

“What do you mean I’m not going anywhere?” Naruto pushed him.

“It means exactly what you think.  _I am_  dead, Naruto. You are not.”

Naruto’s brows furrowed. “You’re saying I can’t come with you?”

“Yes.” Sasuke caressed the deep line between Naruto’s brows with his thumb. “Actually, it’s the opposite. I can’t come with you.”

“…I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Naruto breathed out.

“That is your train,” Sasuke pulled away completely and pointed to the white train in front of them with his index finger. “It’ll take you back home. Sakura is there. Kakashi is there. The whole village is waiting. You have a whole life ahead of you.”

Naruto snorted. “You’re dumber than you look if you really think I’ll go back without you.”

“Check your pocket, Naruto. There should be a ticket.”

Naruto confusedly shoved his hand in his pocket, and there indeed was a piece of paper. He pulled it out. There was nothing written on, just a piece of paper.

“Where’s yours?” Naruto looked at Sasuke.

“I don’t have one.” Sasuke smiled crookedly. A smile that Naruto hadn’t seen before, one that held care. _In fact_ , Naruto couldn’t even remember when was the last time he’d seen Sasuke smile.

Naruto nodded. His usual self would yell around to no one in particular, think it would work and Sasuke would get a ticket too.

He didn’t.

Instead, he tugged Sasuke’s sleeve, leading him back to the bench. They sat down in silence. The side of Naruto’s thigh was brushing against Sasuke’s.

“You’re a lot more tolerable when you’re not acting like an utter asshole,” Naruto spoke. “I wish you weren’t…” He couldn’t say the rest because he started sobbing uncontrollably again. When they’d told him they would kill Sasuke, he’d had a panic attack. Now that Sasuke was _actually_ dead, he was surprised at himself for still not having a heart attack.

“And I wish you could see what I see now,” Sasuke remarked. “All those moments we shared in our past lives. We’ve had amazing moments, Naruto. This one was a total tragedy.”

“And has a sick ending,” Naruto added.

“For me? Maybe. You’ll live much longer.” He put his hand on Naruto’s, which was resting on his knee, and squeezed reassuringly.

“Shut up. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Sasuke sighed. “I told you I can’t come. Not even if I want to.”

“So you’ll just sit here for who knows how many years until I die and we move on?”

“No. I have my own train.”

“Where?” Naruto looked at his right, then his left.

“Right behind us.”

He shifted on the bench to see it, and there definitely was another train he hadn’t noticed before. It looked much better than his, this one was new. Shiny. Glamorous, just like Sasuke.

He leaned back. “You’re a lousy soulmate. I won’t let you go anywhere without me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sasuke snorted. “Our paths are separate for now.”

“I will not let you leave me alone one more time, Sasuke. Even if it means dying.”

He leaned his head on Sasuke’s shoulder for support, knowing the bastard wouldn’t push him off. Not this time. Here, Sasuke wasn’t a rogue ninja or an avenger filled with hatred, and Naruto wasn’t Konoha’s hero or Kyuubi vessel.

Here, they were only Naruto and Sasuke.

Sasuke held Naruto’s chin and turned his head to meet his lips with Naruto’s once more. Naruto welcomed him with his mouth slightly parted, letting Sasuke easily push his tongue in. Their tongues danced and twirled around each other sensually, neither cared about what had been happening before they’d found themselves here.

It was really weird to have Sasuke within his reach, voluntarily kissing him with passion. He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss and fisted Sasuke’s hair, pulling him even closer. Sasuke silently moaned.

“The pain is almost fully gone,” Naruto whimpered. “The physical one, I mean.”

His heart still stung with the scorching feeling of knowing Sasuke was dead.

“That’s because it’s almost departure time,” Sasuke looked up. Naruto once more admired his sharp jawline, his smooth skin, and dark, charcoal eyes. “Let me see you off.”

Naruto chuckled and tugged a stray strand of Sasuke’s bangs. “Teme. I told you I wouldn’t go without you.”

Sasuke snorted, just like old times when they would go on a D-rank mission and Naruto would say something stupid to impress Sakura. “Usuratonkachi. Get up. You can’t use your aches as an excuse to sit down now.”

Naruto took in a deep breath. “You see everything now. Even things that I can’t see, but you still can’t see one thing.” He stood up with ease and pulled the ticket from his pocket again.

Sasuke apparently was aware of Naruto’s intentions or at least had a clue. He frowned. “Naruto?”

“See, you’re clever as hell, but you still don’t get it.” Without giving it a second thought, he tore the ticket in half despite the incredulous look in Sasuke’s widened eyes.

“YOU IDIOT!” He roared and snatched the two pieces from Naruto’s hands. “What the hell was that for? I told you I didn’t want you—“

His words were cut when Naruto crushed their mouths together and kissed him.  _Hard_.

“You can’t ask me to go back home, Sasuke. Because  _this_  is home.” He took the pieces of his ticket from Sasuke’s shaking hands and tore them again, this time creating 4 pieces, and threw them on the floor. “You deprived me of yourself for 3 years. I’m not waiting for a lifetime to turn back to you.”

“All those people needed you,” Sasuke licked his lips. His eyes were glossy from going through such intense emotions. Naruto felt flattered. Sasuke wasn’t sad because he’d died, he was sad because Naruto had just signed his own death wish. “You were going to be the next Hokage. Why would you give up on all that for… me?”

Naruto pulled Sasuke and pressed him to his chest. “ _I love you, Sasuke_.”

“Naruto…” he felt a teardrop wet his collarbone. Naruto had never seen Sasuke cry before, but it felt natural to do so now. Nothing was wrong here. This was their meeting place.

“Ssh. It’s okay now,” he whispered and kissed Sasuke’s forehead.

A loud whistle was heard. “Your train is leaving,” Sasuke violently tremored in Naruto’s arms.

“That’s not my train. My –  _our_  train, is right behind us,” he patted Sasuke’s hair. “I kinda like being about to die now. If I told you I wanted to see you cry, you’d say ‘over my dead body’. I guess that is happening now.”

“You really think it’s a good time to joke?” Sasuke pushed him, then with a huff, flicked Naruto’s forehead.

“Ow,” Naruto rubbed the sore spot. “Still a jerk you are, I see.”

“That was for being a moron.” He crossed his arms.

“I told you I would shoulder your hatred and die with you.”

They silently watched the train start to move, then build up speed as it went, and it disappeared from their sight.

“Aah!” Abruptly, Naruto fell on his knees in pain.

“Naruto!” Sasuke kneeled beside him and without asking what was going on, hugged him. “Just hang on. It’ll go away in a minute.”

“It. Hurts. So. Bad.” He panted in between breaths. His whole body was going numb with the powerful spasms of pain spreading everywhere. His toes curled in his ninja sandals. Sasuke was holding him, and although his presence helped Naruto feel content, he couldn’t help the pain in any way.

Sasuke brushed the clinging bangs out of Naruto’s sweaty forehead and pressed his lips to his temple. Naruto leaned back against Sasuke’s chest, held his knees close to his stomach. As sudden as the pain had come, it went away, leaving Naruto with a heart beating wildly in his chest and a very self-conscious mind.

It was over. He was dead.

Sasuke mumbled something inaudible in his hair.

“Mhm?” He tiredly hummed. Dying wasn’t as easy as it looked.

“You’re as stubborn as always. That was very selfish of you,” Sasuke repeated.

Naruto ignored the statement. He knew Sasuke was half-right, but there was nothing he could do about it. A life without Sasuke seemed simply impossible. All those people in Konoha, they needed him, but how could he help them when he couldn’t even help his best friend or himself? Without Sasuke, he would be just the empty shell of a man.

He could become Hokage in another life. A life where he could keep Sasuke with himself from the start. A life where everyone would be happy.

Then, everything started to come back to him. Everything Sasuke claimed he knew, the same memories began to load into Naruto’s brain. He remembered the happy ones as well as the sad ones, and boring ones that didn’t involve Sasuke. When one of his previous lives where he’d only shared an elevator with Sasuke flashed before his eyes, he snuggled closer to his friend - _no_ , his lover. _His soulmate_.

“I love you so fucking much, Uchiha Sasuke,” he found himself saying. “If you ever die on me again, I’ll make sure to kill you myself in the life after that.”

Sasuke throatily chuckled. “Uzumaki Naruto. You’re the stupidest person I have ever met. I can’t believe you’re the love of my life and my soulmate.”

“Heh. Death didn’t change you as much as I thought it did. You were just worried about me, weren’t you?” Naruto proudly said and despite the shaking of his knees and the slight dizziness, stood up. Sasuke followed him.

“Hn.”

“What was that quote again? The one that you read to me in the house with a huge fireplace? You know, the one where we adopted a kid later.” His stomach flipped at the memory.

“ _The sun loved the moon so much, he died every night just to let him breathe_ ,” Sasuke murmured.

A satisfied smile spread on Naruto’s face.

A loud whistle was heard.

“Our train is here,” he whispered and walked closer to Sasuke. The back of his tan hand brushed against Sasuke’s pale one, and without further ado, he joined them together.

Sasuke’s lids closed halfway. The corners of his lips curled upward.

“Let’s go.”

 


End file.
